So
what will really change when we emerge from our houses to the world’s altered
landscape?
Yes, bowling shoes, buffets and salad
bars will become remnants of a time when we could still breath near each other.
But one staple of business meetings, interviews and 3-martini lunches, the
handshake, is on the chopping block to become a COVID casualty.
During
quarantine I’ve watched commercials and old television shows (Pre-March 1st)
in horror as people shake hands and then
eat a meal. It’s suddenly as unpleasant as the endless videos showing a sneeze
plume traversing the shelves of a grocery store and smothering the
unsuspecting.
There
has been some inspired improvisation, but nothing says hello like grabbing
someone’s hand and making a sawing motion.
It’s
one of the first formulas of adulthood from my father: Good eye contact plus
firm handshake equals good impression.
But
what could replace it?
I’ve
seen the boot touch, but it seems to require a bit too much dexterity to become
widespread.
There
is the Namaste bow, a slight bend at the waist, prayer hands in front, but I’m
sure it will have its detractors.
The
elbow touch, was demonstrated in all its uncomfortable awkwardness by Joe Biden
and Bernie Sanders in their empty debate hall.
The
fist bump, as well as the high five are way too close to the handshake, far too
much skin contact.
There
is the wink which has the advantage of obeying the six feet of social distancing
but could get awkward real quick.
They
say President Kennedy’s discomfort with headwear signaled the demise of the hat
business in the United States. But like many things that might be returning we
could see a reemergence of the fedora, the panama hat, perhaps the bowler leading
to a return of the hat tip.
There’s
always the curtsy or a bow one might do before a queen, but once we start
having differences for men and women, there’s lots of judgment.
The
end-of-the-performance bow, where the arm unfurls a la Liberace might make a
comeback.
A
dancing friend suggested parties mirror each other like the Macarena or the Electric
Slide. Again this could favor the more gifted or rhythmically inclined.
It’s
very hard to be bad at the handshake, other than being too soft or too strong
which is only then known by the recipient. Being bad at a dance move as you
walk up to a table of strangers might not be the entrance one is looking for.
Perhaps
the hand clap: You walk up to a table and each of you burst into a round of mutual
applause. But when do you stop?
The
wave: Not the hand wave, but the wave
they do at stadiums. You enter a room of strangers and everyone stands one at a
time. Yes it’s one-sided but very welcoming. It could encourage people to show
up late for meetings.
The
hand over heart is a gesture sometimes seen on stage by grateful performers or
speakers as a way of thanking their audience. While often confused with cardiac
trouble, it might fit the occasion.
But
is there anything that could really replace the intimacy of the handshake: the
grip, the ability to get close to someone, the chance to really size up a
person from the start?
Should
the coronavirus linger in a divided country unable to agree on much, perhaps exchanging
a hand wipe, a pair of latex gloves and a thermometer are the best way to kick
things off.
