Of Headlines & Hampers

Sometimes headlines whisper, sometimes they hint, lately they shout: “Weak Retail Sales” “Unemployment Remains High” “How to Save the London High Steet” “How Low Will the Euro Go?”

Sitting in the Gallery restaurant at Fortnum and Mason I watch the queues grow and grow until they bleed out of the 300 year-old store onto Piccadilly Street.  And I wonder if the headlines mislead?

Studying the menu the man next to me, with whom I’ve been forced to share a table due to overcrowding, is struggling between the Carpaccio of Sussex Red Beef with Golden Enoki Mushrooms and the hand carved Basque Ham with Wild Rocket and Pyrenees Goat Cheese.

Teeming with customers, the smell of candles and incense, the nutmeg blending with the vanilla, the wood floor polished, but creaky, and a soft version of “I Saw Grandma Kissing Santa Claus” brings a festivity for the holiday that penetrates my Jewish being.

I know that America is blamed for the commercialization of Christmas(s) but the Brits have taken it to a new level.  They forget about the Christ and focus on the Mas, as in Mass Market Consumerism, not Midnight Mass.

Christmas isn’t December 25^th, it’s the whole last three weeks of the year.  When they say have a good Christmas, and everybody does, it's like saying "enjoy everything after December 2^nd."  When you ask somebody what they are doing for Christmas their answer begins around Guy Fawkes day and hits everything from the holiday parties, to the client lunches, the shopping, the drinking, the late starts and early exits, the explanation of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, who goes where/when and Why.  In a country where 12% regularly attend Church they certainly got religion when it comes to Christmas.

The big Christmas business at Fortnum and Mason is their famed Hampers.   They call it the “most travelled tuck box” in the world.  Coming in all sizes and filled with everything from cookies and jams to fruit cakes and puddings.  The line to buy and send the Hampers snakes around the store, past the ornaments, the properly dressed mannequins and out toward the ice cream parlour.   

These are not small investments, ranging from £50 to £5,000.  The embarrassingly low-end Hamper is meant, according to Fortnum, as the perfect “thank-you gift for a weekend host.”  The classic “huntsman basket” includes a “taste of Christmas” with a “miniature version of our classic Christmas Cake, Christmas Spiced Biscuits, Mulled Wine spices, a jar of our fine Raspberry Preserve and, of course, a helping of champagne.”

But the big boys play in a whole different pitch. 

The “Imperial Hamper” contains only the best:  “Darjeeling’s finest tea, a whole side of wild Scottish smoked salmon, white truffle oil, Beluga caviar, Foie Gras with Truffles, Fortnum’s Cognac Butter, Magnifici Florentines, an amphora of Orange Marmalade with Champagne, an enormous box of chocolates, a magnum each of Cristal 2002 and Dom Ruinart 1993 and a bottle of Dalmore 32-year-old whisky. As if that weren’t enough, this year we’ve included our new Jubilee Queen Elizabeth Christmas Pudding, which takes our King George Pudding as its base and adds macadamia nuts, port and double cream and a crown of glacé fruits, painted with gold leaf. Presented in a hamper made of English willow.”

So not only has Christmas become a train wreck of holiday slobbery (most offices are empty after lunch from the middle of December until January first), but they also have taken hostage of the Queen’s Jubilee to create “one-time only” Jubilee Hampers, Royal Sovereign Strawberry Preserve, Jubilee Musical Biscuit Tin, Jubilee Fudge and my favorite the Jubilee Lion and Plantagenets Mug.

When I ask Customer Service how the economy is affecting Christmas he says he’s never seen it so busy in his 10 years with the company.  However, he admits, business for the Imperial and other high-end Hampers is down because of the “corporates” but the consumer business, “they’re making it a very, merry Christmas for F&M.”